My eleven year-old has been hit hard this school year with an unrelenting line-up of viruses. The poor kid has spent more time home this year than any other year, and once he’s recovered and back at his petri-dish school, bam! Lather, rinse, repeat.
At his last round of doctor appointments they screened him for everything and came to the conclusion he probably had mono at one point, which explains his lethargy. As the PA ticked off the symptoms, I couldn’t help but draw parallels to the debilitating virus and, well, pretty much most days for me since June 14, 1995. Take the quiz below; do you have mono or motherhood?
Mono:
Headache: chronic, low to medium grade.
Motherhood:
Headache: predominantly chronic, variables impacting severity include defcon level of sibling bickering in the home, amount of unfinished homework, last-minute “reminders” from your child involving the 64 cupcakes s/he volunteered to bring to school the next morning, ratio of extra-curricular activities to adults in home.
Mono:
Fatigue.
Motherhood:
Hahahaaaaaaa I have forgotten what eight hours of sleep in a row feels like Fatigue.
Mono:
Night sweats.
Motherhood:
Night sweats from approximately 40th birthday onward.
Mono:
Muscle weakness.
Motherhood:
Muscle weakness, particularly in region of body formerly known as “abs.”
So, PlanHero Nation, what’s the diagnosis? Do you have motherhood or mono? With Mother’s Day fast approaching, PlanHero highly recommends you seek immediate treatment. Fluids (fermented grape works well), rest (hotel sheets are best), and relaxation (good luck).
