*The following is an actual transcript recorded by me some years ago. I had recently read an article on the importance of eating dinner together as a family. No surprise, this still holds true.


At the dinner table…


Five year-oldHey, Daddy. Mamas have special eyes in the back of their skulls.

Twelve year-oldNo they don’t, imbecile.

HusbandReally? Hmm. What about dads? Do they have eyes back there, too?

Five year-old: [shouting and spewing chicken bits] I am NOT an imbisult! Daddy, only Mamas have the eyes. We don’t have the special panel in our heads.

Twelve year-oldAre you seriously teaching him this, mom? That’s not exactly factual.

Five year-oldOh, yeah? Well boys have more room in their heads for brains because there aren’t eyes back there.


Husband: [pointedly, to wife]: Is this what you get to do all day?